Darkness

I was staring at my soaps that I have in our bathroom. Oatmeal. Caught my eye. Soaps, candles, incense.

Darkness.

The darkness surrounded me when I came of age. I realized this world wasn't going far. I knew that I couldn't kill myself or I would answer to my adopted Dad. I wasn't willing to break his heart. The dark space disappeared when I met Paul. Paul was/is more vibrant than he ever gave himself credit.

We talked about the darkness again today.

I was edging towards Wiccan. Candles, an alter, small "spells" dressing in dark clothes.

What? Wait. Wiccan?

As close to it as I could. I believed there was a bigger force out there. (I know everyone feels God, even if they deny Him being there.)

Paul asked that I try brighter colours. Asked that I consider him an alternative to hopping the short bus or closing the book of life for good. (My adopted Dad's heart just wasn't cutting it anymore with what I was facing) Like everything else, addictions can be hard to break. Thus the soaps, candles, incense. Harmless, right? Is it? I was asking myself that when I stared at the soaps in the bathroom.

I still have my accumulation of Wiccan materials everywhere in the apartment. Maybe getting rid of it will help.